The Carnival 5/Nov/02
The Carnival with Kieren Perkins and Katie Davenport

Roy and HG were impressed by the fashions at the Melbourne Cup and reckon that bar has been lifted so high that the bar can only be seen by the Hubble telescope. A few people come on and show off some Cup fashions.

Roy was mortified when the owners of the horse that won the Melbourne Cup read out their winners speech. Roy felt like he wasn't in Australia but in Dublin. Roy is saddened that the Australian traditions such as taking a few days off work before the race and getting pissed in the car park and vomiting in the boot, the Anzac legend are things that the foreign owners don't understand. Roy laments that we're losing it all. To get Australian horses back into the cup Roy reckons each state should have a horse race and the horses that win in each state get to race in the Melbourne Cup. Another idea is to make the race 10 kilometers long because Australian horses are smaller and more nuggety than European horses and can last the distance. The European horses usually race on straight race tracks so the Cup track should be made with as many twists and turns as possible. Roy wants the CSIRO to use gene shear technology to make a nuggety little horse that can withstand the 10 kilometer race giving Australia the chance to win the Melbourne Cup.

Horse Mysteries
Story of the horse Golden Black who had the ability to fix Holden cars. He was known as the horse that had a way with Holdens.

Kieren Perkins
They discuss Gene Simmons who was on the night before. Genes philosophy on life is to root as often as you can, make as much money as you can and don't give a stuff about anyone else. Kieren is still angry with his parents for not allowing to see a Kiss concert when he was little. They talk about Thorpies new coach and how she uses comedy to make Thorphie go faster. HG wasn't sure what she meant by this and wonders if she means, for example, that she stands on the side of the pool lighting farts. Kieren reckons that Thorpie might need a bit of comedy because Thorpie takes training very seriously. Roy reckons there is too much emphasis on science in swimming now, and not enough on pain. Kieren agrees and reckons he knew he had a good days swimming when he would get home at night and his shoulders were throbbing. HG had the same sort of thing and also had something throbbing at night.

Shots of a statue of Bart Cummings with ladies coming up to the statue and giving the statue a kiss. Roy admires Bart for being able to pull the ladies even when he's just a lump of metal. Roy reckons he found the statue so life like that he stood there for an hour and a half talking to the statue before he realised it wasn't the real Bart.

Gay Waterhouse has been accused of scratching Platinum Scissors in a dodgy way. Roy is outraged at the charges against her and reckons the horse was scratched legitamately because the horse was sick. Roy was with the horse recently and says the horse had a temperature of 400oC. Roy says he could have put some scones up the horses date and cooked them. Thats how hot the horse was. He admits that the scones were delicious. Roy wants to start a march from Federation square to Flemington race course and demand that Gay be cleared of the accusations. HG asks what Roy would say to the crowds at the march. Roy says he would stand before the crowd and say 'Crowd, Ladies and Gentlemen, I ate the scones.'

They discuss Pharlap and Roy and HG talk about how big Pharlap was. Roy shows us a vertebrae of a normal horse he dug up at a trainers place (Roy hasn't told the trainer yet but the trainer wont mind). Roy then shows the vertebrae of Pharlap. The difference between the vertebrae is huge. Roy said he paid $30000 for vertebrate on eBay and isn't worried about it being genuine because it came with a prominence

Roy and HG compare the sound quality of a bow of violin from the horse hair of Pharlap with the horse hair from a normal horse. They get a violinist to play the same song with the different bows and the bow made from the horse hair from Pharlap gives the song a louder and faster sound.

Katie Davenport
Fashion designer talks about the fashions she saw at the Melbourne Cup. Roy would like to see more practical fashion at the Melbourne Cup such as clothing that can be hosed off if you get vomit on yourself.

Roy and HG read some emails. One person wants a horse cemetery for champion horses like Hyperno. The person wasn't happy with the way a champion like Hyperno was put down. Someone has an opposing view and is sick of everyone talking about how great Hyperno was and reminds people that in 1979 Hyperno mounted another horse at a race and broke that horses pelvis. Reckons that Hyperno got its just deserts.

Band The Whitlams